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 my fun rp gimme feeedback

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RHYNO190
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Posts : 33
Points : 76
Join date : 2010-10-22
Age : 21
Location : hardcore wrestling

PostSubject: my fun rp gimme feeedback   Tue Nov 23, 2010 1:27 pm

Rhyno190 is seen backstage with his pwnge championship over his shoulder*
rhyno190: yo ASWS universe im your pwnge champion and so far im undfeated i beats zibens and lafayboy im the best know next week ill put my title on the line against zibens
and ill still walk out
ASWS pwnge champion

Rhyno190: but this week i need to defend my title against some1 and ill still walk out champion in my first week ive sold 500 t-shirts
500 Wrestling hats
300 Sweatshirts
300 Posters
700 Dvd Boxs that proves im a fans faviorute and i hate all those selfish worthless freaking loonies who wrestle for the money but let me telll u somet i dont wrestle for the money i wrestle for the fans, experience, titles and to do my best


Rhyno190 and let me remind you im your pwnge champion

rhyno190: peace out dudes

*CAMERAS FADE AWAY*


Last edited by RHYNO190 on Sun Nov 28, 2010 7:27 am; edited 1 time in total
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Zack Williams
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Posts : 126
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Join date : 2010-11-10
Age : 27
Location : Australia

PostSubject: Re: my fun rp gimme feeedback   Wed Nov 24, 2010 1:17 am

feedback: correct spelling, punctuation and grammar is needed, for example at one point u said 'know' when you should have had 'now'.

Also, those sales for merchandise aren't great and dont make you look that favourable among fans u should exaggerate it a fair bit
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Zack Williams
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Posts : 126
Points : 125
Join date : 2010-11-10
Age : 27
Location : Australia

PostSubject: Re: my fun rp gimme feeedback   Sun Nov 28, 2010 8:13 am

*The Camera cuts to the backstage area where Rhyno190 is seen with his Pwnge Championship draped over his shoulder. The crowd can be heard cheering.*

Rhyno190: "Yo ASWS Universe! I'm your Pwnge Champion and so far I am undfeated! I've beaten Zibens and Lafayboy. You could say I am now the best ASWS has to offer. And next week, I'll put my title on the line against Zibens, and no matter how hard he tries I'll still walk out ASWS Pwnage Champion!"

*The crowd cheers once again.*

Rhyno190: "But right now I want to talk about something else. I want to talk about how much you fans support me. Since starting here I've sold over 500 shirts, 500 hats, 300 posters, and 600 DVD box sets. That proves that I'm already a fan favourite and let me tell you all, I don't wrestle for money...I wrestle for the fans! The titles, the experiences, they're all great but for me, the fans come first. I'm sick of hearing all these wrestlers talk about money as if it's the only thing that matters in this business. I hate all those selfish, worthless, freaking loonies that wrestle purely for money. They don't understand this business or you fans. But I do and I will continue to wrestle for you fans! Remember, I'm your Pwnage Champion...Peace out dudes!"

*Rhyno190 exits the shots as the camera slowly fades to black.*
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